Memories
by bellaswan281
Summary: When bella is at home while Edward is hunting, she thinks of when Edward had left. Songfic: End Where I Begin-The Script. New Moon. One shot. Not for the light-hearted. R&R, please!


I thought of Jacob Black's face in my head. I thought of Edward Cullen's face in my heart. I clenched the tear stained pillow in my hand, wishing these violent memories away. Wishing it were a feather to blow off rather than being carved where all of my emotions are stored within me.

_I got up and threw the tear covred pillow at my wall, running down to my dead beat truck and revving the engine hard, driving to Jacob's house. He smiled once I walked through the threshold, then scowled. I didn't know what was up with him today. But then I saw what he was scowling at. The light, pale crescent-bite mark on my wrist; I shuddered at the horrifying memory of James in the ballet studio as he lightly traced the scar._

_**"**__**sometimes tears say all there is to say  
sometimes your first scars wont ever fade away"**_

_I walked into the Cullen house, where Edward sat at his piano, glaring at me with his eyes the color of pure agony and a tortured memory in his pupil, causing me to bore into them._

_"Edward...," I croaked._

_"No," was all he said to get me on my knees, crying and begging. I knew I had hurt him, I knew I did. But he needed to understand that Jacob Black was part of my life now. I loved him, and he loved me back. and that was that._

_"Isabella Swan, you cheated on me. How do you expect me to take you back?" He spat at me. I opened my mouth, the only thing that escaped my lips was a soft cry of pain. Pain that was forever etched into my dead heart._

_**"try to break my heart well its broke  
try to hang me high well im choked"**_

_I breathed out choked, raspy breaths as I looked at Jacob, my Jacob. Not him, to. I couldn't loose Jacob, to. I couldn't handle the two I love most in my life leaving me._

_Jaco's eeys stared me down, his perfect, white teeth clenching, waiting for my response._

_"J-Jacob.." was all I could manage._

_"No, Bella. I can't tell you what's going on. It's too dangerous for you. I just can't-" he cut off; shaking his head, pursing his lips. I silently watched the rain fall form his now cropped, jet black hair; the wetness gave his locks a blue color effect._

_I couldn't speak as he ran off with Sam and Embry, and I watched as they disappeared into the trees, just as Edward had. I cringed and let the cracked sobs break out of my throat._

_**  
"wanted rain on me well im soaked  
soaked to the skin  
its the end where i begin  
its the end where i begin"**_

_As Carlisle stitched up my arm, I watched Edward's face as Alice and Emmett dragged Jasper out of the room. Edward looked at me with a deep depression starting to form in his eyes. He clenched his teeth and looked away, as if disgusted by the thought that I was here. I looked down, knowing that I wasn't good enough for him. We stayed in our assigned positions until Carlisle was done. then he looked back at me. "Let's take a walk."_

_Edward took my hand and walked out of my own birthday party. I smiled, a little happy that he had taken me back, but he frowned back. I knew he was upset about jasper's outburst when I had sliced me finger on that stupid wrapping paper._

_"Edward what happened in there was nothing."_

_"Nothing compared to what could've happened."_

_"Edwward I'm f-"_

_"Do not say you are fine."_

_"Edw-"_

_"I'm leaving. I don't want you anymore, and I can't stand you anymore. Neither can my family. Just be safe, for me, please."_

_I was exasperated. He kissed my forehead, squeezing his eyes shut, as if trying to stick our last moment together in his head. I knew he wasn't, though. He walked off and I watched him walk away before I curled up on the wet ground, our last few memories, happy memories, running through my mind like a broken record._

_**"sometimes we dont learn from are mistakes  
and sometimes we've no choice but to walk away (away)  
try to break my heart well its broke  
try to hang me high well im choked  
wanted rain on me well im soaked  
soaked to the skin  
its the end where i begin  
its the end where i begin"**_

_I ran towards the red banner decorated building, where my shirtless god stood motionless. The clock tolled and he stepped into the sun's path, glistening like when a child pours glitter onto a sidewalk._

_"EDWARD NO!" I yelled. I ran at him full speed and ran smack into him; it felt like I had just ran into Michaelangelo's David for all the good it did me to move him, but I, out of instinct, wrapped my arms around his cool neck. His eyes half rolled into the back of his head, not focusing, but his frozen arms weakly wrapped themselves around my waist, trying to look at my face._

_"Edward you have to get out of the sunlight." I tried pushing him, and he noticed, backing into the shadows, sighing my name as he wobbled back._

_I pulled back to look at his face, his eyes still dazed, but focusing on my face this time. In his eyes swam nothing but pure love as they bored into mine. He swaggered back a few steps, pulling us into the building, I clutched the back of his neck as his hands pulled me closer to him, clutching the skin of my back. We each grabbed two fistfuls of each other's hair, kissing out of nithing but pure passion, want, and need._

_**"now im alive and my ghosts are gone  
ive shed all the pain ive been holding on  
the cure for a heart is to move along  
so move along  
just move along"  
**_

_I watched Jacob's eyes, a tear the size of a baseball running down his fur. I stood between him and Edward, in the meadow. I walked over to jake, stroking his hair. _

_"Jake, you know why I chose him. He's my whole life. I'm sorry." Edward pulled me back before I could finish; in a flash Jacob was back in his human form, quickly pulling his shorts on before I could see anything._

_"Bella, I'm in love with you, more than this leech even thinks he is." I started to protest, but he held up one hand and continued. "I really do, Bella, and just remember you have options."_

_"Shut up, dog." Edward stepped forward, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Maybe she doesn't want options. Maybe this is what she really wants. So just shut up and stop barking." Jacob pursed his lips, watching me with sad eyes._

_Edward took me to the car before I could say anything to my hurt, very hurt, best friend. He put me in the front seat, then speeded backwards down the road. I watched Jacob in the middle of the road, disappearing in the distance. frozen like a deer caught in Edward's headlights._

_**"now im alive and my ghosts are gone  
ive shed all the pain ive been holding  
what dont kill a heart only makes it strong"**_

_I allowed myself to think of my old Jacob, the one who was my best friend. I thought of how skinny he was, his dark, long, beautifl hair, his perfect white smile._

_He interrupted my thoughts. _

_"Bella, we're here," he said gruffly. My house's lights were off, as expected. But that's when I froze. Jacob had a look of lust in his eyes, watching my face, I tried to speak, but the words were stuck in my throat, hanging._

_That's when Jacob leaned forward, closing his eyes. He paused for a second, his eyes closed. Unthiningly, mine shut to, leaning forward. I could feel his hot breath breathe over my face before headlights shone over our faces. Sighing, I pulled back.__****_

"sometimes tears say all there is to say  
and sometimes your first scars dont ever fade away

_**try to break my heart well its broke  
try to hang me high well im choked"**_

_Jacob took off his shirt, wiping the blood from my gushing forehead. Stupid motorcycle._

_But he was BUILT. I looked him over, and he smiled._

_"Like what you see?"_

_\"Your sort of beautiful..." was all I could mumble._

_**"wanted rain on me well im soaked  
soaked to the skin"**_

_I looked over the edge of the cliff, preparing myself. I closed my eyes... and jumped._

_Before I hit the water, I saw a russet red wolf, Jacob, peering over the edge, and heard him howl._

_AS I plunged deep into the black water, I saw what I thought I would never see again. Edward, trying to save me from the current that fought eagerly against his arms. That's when my head hit something hard, making me go unconcious against his chest._

_A few minutes later I woke up to Jacob's voice and warm hands caressing my freezing arms. _

_"Bella? Bella do you hear me?" He shook me ever so gently. My eyes lolled open, trying to peer into his agonized face._

_"What the hell were you thinking," was al he said before lifting me up and taking me back to his house._

_**"its the end end where i end where i end where i begin"**_

_I watched Jacob's and Alice's protest from my couch. When she yelled, I flinched. When he yelled, I cringed._

_I got up, facing Jake. _

_"Jacob, please yu need to calm down. Alice is right." I hated saying this to him, but sometimes, the truth hurt._

_**"it's the end where i"**_

_Jacob followed me to the kitchen, massaging his temples, and looking at me with the same eyes he had on his face before when he had tried to kiss me._

_**"end where i"**_

_Jacob's palm gently cradled my face, and, unthinkingly, I leaned my face to burrow deepe rinto the heated skin. He bent down, his eyes closed, and mine shut, almost too eagerly. His top lip touched mine..._

_**"end where i"**_

_Alice came in, and Jake and I staggered back half a step, clearing our throats._

_"I have to leave now," I stuttered, walking over to Alice._

_"Please..." he begged. "He left you, he didn't want you, anymore."_

_"I have to go," I croaked out._

_"Please.. Bella... Stay... For me." He pursed his lips, his head leaning against the threshold, agony ripping his face like a razor sharp blade._

_**"begin"**_

_I cleared my throat, looking at Edward, then stepped across the meadow, in front of Jacob, gazing into his black eyes._

_"I love you, Jacob. But I love him more. I'm sorry.. and I hope we can be friends, no matter how much it hurts me." I sighed, glad I had it off my chest._

_Jacob pursed his lips, tears welling in his eyes, before he turned, running deep into the trees. Edward and I just stood there, appalled. About ten minutes later, we heard the deepest, saddest, most heart-breaking howl._

_That's when my eyes, the tears, welled up and spilled over the edge, swallowing hard._

_**"sometimes we've no choice but to walk away."**_


End file.
